I was surprised at the amount and type of comments I got on my recent donkeyness on Party's BlackJack. Thanks for all your support.
$300 is not going to make or break me, and the amount of money is not really what troubles me. It is the lack of discipline and the desire to gamboool. I'd like to think of myself as a better than average player. I read about poker, practice poker, think about poker, and try to adjust my game to table conditions. I think that should put me a step or two ahead of the competition.
The rub is that I want to be a winning player. Who doesn't? The reality is that I could sink $100 a month into this "hobby" and be fine financially, but I want this to be a moneymaker, not moneytaker. I am a competitive person and the bankroll is the scorekeeper for this sport. I do not like to have my butt kicked.
So is there a takeaway from this? I guess. Stay way from -EV games (even if there is a chance of a large and instant payoff). Stick to the levels that my bankroll dictate. This is my second trip down bankroll demolition drive. This trip was a different route, but with the same result.
I fell that I am left with a decision point.
1. I can play at the higher levels and risk loading money on each month. I enjoy the higher stakes and the opportunity to win more. I also think that the higher levels offer more learning opportunities.
2. I can play at the lower levels and build my bankroll and gain some more experience. The trade off here is that the time/money quotient is much lower. My time is valuable. If I spent 2 hours at .05/.10 HE and have +$5.00 to show for it, is that really worth it? I more than likely will not have learned much, ABC poker seems to be the way to go at the lower limit tables.
I could argue the benefits of either decision. My plan for right now is to load some more money onto Neteller and really focus on the levels I should be playing according to my bankroll. I feel comfortable in a 2/4 through 5/10 game, but I think I need to prove to myself that I have the discipline to earn my way to those games. If I am consistently making money (right decisions) at the 1/2 game, then eventually my bankroll will allow me to move up. This path is proven. I read DoubleAs old posts. His results are somewhat atypical, but not unachievable.
So, thanks for the comments of support, and yes Veneno, I want another crack at you. I will be online, learning, reading, playing with the rest of you and fighting my "Hey Josh, let's GAMBOOOOOOL!!" demons like the rest of you. It looks like it will be a constant battle.