Tuesday, April 19, 2005

AC Recap 2

I am not sure how much of this I can divulge without breaking the sacred unspoken vow of bachelor party secrecy but I will give some highlights. First, Bare Exposure was great. It is all nude, so BYOB. This is nice because you save a ton on drinks. People were bringing in their own coolers! Anyway, the girls were above average with a few really smoking ones. The couch dances were good and there was a general Friday night rowdiness in the crowd. Bare Exposure offers something called the "Hot Seat", for a mere $60 the bachelor (or anyone) can go up on stage with two nude girls and they start to give him (or a few hers that night!) an aggressive lap dance. This seemingly awesome situation turns south quickly. All of a sudden, our hero, Jared, finds his belt being taken off, his jeans being undone and his underwear forcibly removed! It was like an atomic wedgie, the boxers were completely destroyed, the waistband became a neck band. Before he knew what hit him, he was bent over the chair, bare assed and being belted very, very hard with his own belt!! The crowd loved it, the dancers enjoyed it, Jared was not that happy with it! After taking few strokes like a man, he started to try and escape but not before the girls got a few more licks in. "Bottom" line, Jared had a nose bleed (from a hard naked dancer crotch thrust in the face), his necklace was broken, his underwear destroyed and welts on his butt. Priceless. This event was only slightly eclipsed by the two girls that got in the hotseat from the crowd and discovered they had some exhibitionist in them. God Bless America.

The next morning, I actually asked my brother to see his ass (a first) and witnessed the bruises and welts from the night before. He took it like a trooper. I think he really is ready for marriage.

We did not know this at the time, but we were moving hotels today! A mix up in the reservations had us staying only one night. I hopped on the computer and quickly found 5 rooms with double beds at the El Roacho motel. The El Rancho was the cheapest around, price was an important decision point for the bulk of the group there. You have to experience what $125 will get you on a Saturday night, words fail me. If you have a chance to stay at the El Rancho, pass.

Saturday was more of the same, drinking, gambling, nudie bars. I will not bore with the details other than my luck changed for the worse at Caeser's Palace. I was quickly down $350 on roulette and blackjack and continued the losing into Bally's. Net loss, including the Bare Exposure and rooms, a hair over $600 and I did not play any poker!

Overall the trip was great, the ride home was a boring 500 mile ride with 400+ on highway and PA Turnpike (my most hated road in the world). I was trying to make time to help out the in laws move a television in Pittsburgh. An hour out, I found out they canceled so my $25 in tolls and turnpike torture was all for naught. At least the weather was fantastic, the bike ran like a champ and I got to have breakfast at my favorite b-fast spot - Waffle House! Cheesesteak Omelet, no grits, double order of hash browns, scattered, covered, peppered, done well! Coffee and a water to wash it down. Damn, it was good but I know I will be paying for those jalepeno peppers later.... they tend to torch the O ring.

The bike turned 16 in Cranberry Township, PA and the 1,000 mile weekend was blast. Looking forward to getting back to poker this week.


Anonymous said...

There was this one time in band camp I stuck a flute up my pussy.....

NewJack said...


Hey, just checking out your postings here. Love the AC Recap. What's with the American Pie stuff?

- NewJack